#elxn42 Limericks for Canada - Jihadi Vote pandering

Ode to Jihadi vote pandering

There once was a drama teacher from Vancouver

Who wanted to be a Prime Minister

I support the Iran deal

With all of my zeal

It will get me votes in Mississauga

#elxn42 Limericks for Canada - Putin on the Ritz

Ode to Justine's scolding of Putin

There once was a kid called Justin

Who spoke about Vladimir Putin

Bad Vlad just laughed 

The showed him his aft

And ignored the teacher’s loud tuttin’

#Elxn42 Limericks for Canada - Justin's Jihadi Jaunts

Ode to Justin's Jihadi Jaunts & advisor

There was a young man from Canada

Whose close advisor is Omar Alghabra

A Calgary pogrom

Is absolutely no problem

For those who enable hezbollah

Negotiating with Iran: 101

Here's how negotiations with Iran should have gone:

Free World: You are developing nuclear weapons. Stop it & hand over the weapon material.

Iran: No, we are not.

Free World: We know you are, and have found your secret undisclosed nuclear bases.

Iran: No, we built that fortified factory under a mountain to produce goat cheese.

Free World: Hand over the nuclear weapon material, or we will take it from you.

Iran: If you like your goat cheese, you can get your goat cheese.

Free World: We are coming to take the nuclear weapons from you. Goodbye.

Iran: OK, here's the nuclear weapon stuff.

Everything you need to know about 2015 Pan Am/Parapan Am Games

I was going to leave a blank page originally, then I thought that would be confusing. So here is everything I could find that was remotely interesting about the Pan Am/Parapan Am Games 2015.

They are being held around the Greater Toronto Area. In July.

The mascot is a rainbow tinged porcupine.

A new velodrome has been built in the middle of nowhere.

A big swimming pool has been built somewhere.

A new 24,000 seat stadium has been built and has 212 parking spaces.

There's a BMX track in a park. BMX is when people ride bikes that are too small for them, they pedal furiously and try to fly off ramps. City has been crying out for a BMX

Ontario taxpayers paid $10.6 million to cover the travel costs of athletes actually coming, otherwise they wouldn't have bothered.

I have met 2 people who have bought tickets. Actually bought tickets and paid real money, as opposed to those who have been given them for free by Members of the Provincial Parliament or local councillors.

N.B. "For free" actually means the Ontario taxpayers have paid for those tickets.

That's all folks.

Dog or Lena Dunham? A Quiz

Following on from the quiz in New Yorker magazine that "Girls" actress Lena Dunham wrote for the March 30, 2015 issue, I was inspired to use her quiz as the basis for another quiz. 
The link to her quiz is at
http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/03/30/dog-or-jewish-boyfriend-a-quiz

Please feel free to take both quizzes, and compare the statements.

Do the following statements refer to (a) my dog or (b) Lena Dunham?

1. The first thing I noticed about her was her ugliness, and the second thing I noticed about her was her smugness. Idiocy was later.

2. The last thing I want to do is spend hours in bed together with her on Sunday mornings.

3. She’s crazy for cheesecake.

4. It’s easy, we will never live together and it’s going to be fantastic.

5. Our anniversary is in two days and I don’t care.

6. If it were up to her sanity, every room in her place would need to have padded walls.

7. But she has halitosis.

8. I feel that she is judgmental and wrong about any matter of real import. When I explain it from scratch, she still doesn’t get it, but she also rejects most logic by gut instinct.

9. This is because she comes from a self-righteous and self-important culture in which she fiddled with her sister’s genitalia and then wrote about it in a public forum and abused any who pointed out that this was sick, and she didn’t acknowledge her own need for help. She will be sucked dry by the media, who will ultimately leave her as soon as they find something more interesting, like grouting.

10. As a result of this dynamic, she expects to be queen of the world in this life, and anything less than that makes her aggressive, abusive and whiny.

11. I wish she were more excited about spending time in the gym.

12. At our local organic bistro, she never leaves three-quarters of her salmon fillet untouched, offering no explanation and offending the waiter, who will ask balefully, “Are you full yet, or would you like all the desserts now?”

13. She spouts anti-Semitic filth.

14. And she spouts anti-Semitic filth.

15. She never came with me to therapy once, although she definitely needs it hourly.

16. When I go out of town on a business trip, she eats chocolate in her underwear.

17. When I get home from the business trip, she ignores me for hours, sometimes days, which is fine with me. “Why don’t you find some catalogue model who just sits around all day and rubs your back? I bet you’d like that,” She hisses. “I apologize for my many accomplishments because I have to boast about how great I am because I am so important, and because I am so fantastic and because everyone else is less than me and should be looked down upon . I’m sorry you mean nothing to me.”

18. She respects only herself but is intimidated by actual coherent common sense and intelligent people. The tension between them takes the form of passive-aggressive pissing matches and hostile silences.

19. She’s really more of an ass.

20. She has a sensitive stomach and has to eat at least a 3 course meal before moving.

21. I have less Instagram followers than she does, so she must boast how great she is.

22. She ripped up my copy of “Hello” and “Obamacare for Dummies (aka the American People)”

23. My grandma hates her and says she’s a “crazy attention seeking sociopath”

24. Every week it’s some new health issue: urine crystals, sprained foot, beef allergy, brain fell out of her cranium.

25. She doesn’t enjoy nature and I do, which is fine because it’s important to share interests only if you want a relationship, and she also likes novellas, tag sales, Birkenstocks, hip-hop dance and loves fries and pizza.

26. She hates anyone who doesn’t think she is brilliant and she refuses to acknowledge her ignorance, even if she writes dumb offensive articles for the New Yorker.

27. In fact, she has hair all over her upper lip, like most females who share her hominoid genetic background.

28. Her best friend is named Lena Dunham.

29. She briefly dated another Lena Dunham, but she was thinner and in a trick mirror.

30. People who don’t acknowledge and bow to her self-attributed greatness trigger a primal fear in her.

31. In addition, she is openly hostile toward the non-Democrat voting community, focussing most of her rage on their ability to vote differently from that which she decrees in an Oprah like trance.

32. She has an obsession with herself that is troubling to me.

33. One spring afternoon, we walked to Dumbo to check out a new artisanal-Popsicle stand, when we ran into my friend Jill. Jill is actually more of an acquaintance—I don’t know her well, but I really like her; she curates high-end terrariums and she’s a clog designer on the side. She’s really slim and well dressed, in an all-American, J. Crew-model sort of way. She was immediately all over her, panting and making a fool of herself. It was humiliating. Because here’s the thing: I am not a Jill. I will never be a Jill. And if that’s what she is looking for—some anorexic hipster with a glossy braid and freaking Swedish clog boots she sewed by hand—she should never have written her idiotic missives in the first place.

34. She once vomited on her seatmate in United business class, then ran up and down the aisle in a panic. This is acceptable. Being on a United Airlines flight should make anyone vomit and run up and down the aisle in a panic.

35. She needs lots of psychiatric help to deal with some very troubling issues of insecurity and inadequacy.

36. This was a trick quiz with the answer being one and the same.

Nuanced appeasement is what passes for diplomacy nowadays

Appeasement 1930's style:

1936: Rhineland

1938: Austria and Czechoslovakia 

1939: Poland 

World War 2

Appeasement since Obama's election. Diplomatic nuances in the new millennium from a sample of the failure to support democrats:

2009:

Iran's Green Movement - failure to support democratic revolution in any way

Honduras - support for re-instatement of communist dictator whose term of office expired, Czech Republic and Poland - withdrawal of missile defence

Afghanistan, Taliban, Al Qaeda & jihadis everywhere - declaration of US/NATO retreat.

Iraq - US retreat & abandon country to Iranian control

2010:

Costa Rica - Nicaragua invades Calero Island of US ally Costa Rica. No response

2011:

China - Dalai Lama, East China Sea, abandonment of Philippines and Taiwan

Libya – US & NATO help Al Qaeda aligned jihadis overthrow dictator Gadaffi  but ignore murderous Benghazi terrorist attack on US embassy.

All on-going:

Syria – no US action re chemical weapon red line or murdering by Iran, Hezbollah & Russia’s proxy Assad,

Iran - nuclear weapon program, lift sanctions & bless weapon program

North Korea - nuclear weapon program, no action, continue feeding   

Egypt - support of Muslim Brotherhood  

Turkey - support of Muslim Brotherhood

Israel - support for ethnic cleansing of Jews & support for a terrorist directing and financing Holocaust denier “president” with no power whose term of office expired several years ago.

2014: Ukraine - Russia invades Crimea.